I have stayed up and stared at the blinking light on my laptop
I have stayed up and stared into the vast white of the ceiling
I have cried many tears and screamed into pillows
I have screamed into nothingness too
The weight of this lives inside of me
It is ever-present
A fine line between missing something that was never there
And the need to fill it
I have filled it with stories and songs
I have filled it with cakes and coffee
I have filled it with gin
I have filled it with people, time, and pills
I have filled it with empathy
And I have filled it with anger
But again, I scream into nothingness
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